4. Dance Again - Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull
Now if you read my last Bottom 10, these two were up at the top with that dreadful song "On the Floor", and it should've been custodial sentences all around, the programmers of the world work on a way to corrupt every digital version and all CDs and records buried in a deep hole and then laws passed to stop it ever happening again. The main problem I find with "Dance Again" is it commits the same crimes again. Notably, a spectacularly lacklustre chorus which just shoots holes in the idea that this is anything but contrived bunk to be released along witha greatest hits album. That's probably why Pitbull is wheeled in to talk nonsense for a minute, because they couldn't be bothered to have some creativity and use that time on J-Lo so she could try to fo somewhere with the song, or maybe it shows the lack of faith in her ability to carry as on on her own. What's worse is everything Pitbull says is just sounds ridiculous, it's perhaps as bad a guest appearance as you'll ever hear.
3. Princess of China - Rihanna ft. Coldplay...wait, what?
See what I did there? Rihanna ft. Coldplay, because it sounds more like a Rihanna song than a Coldplay song, by the video you get that impression aswell, and by listening to Mylo Xyloto you definitely get that impression. It's not that it doesn't fit on the album, but Chris Martin wrote this specifically with Rihanna in mind, and it's totally unnecessary, they've never needed to feature anyone on an album before and it ends up bringing down its tone; especially considering that in the story of the concept, this is where the main characters split up. Sure it transitions well musically as you'd expect from Coldplay, but the vocals are bland, they could've sung together for more than a few lines if they had to bring in Rihanna. Also they should've known better than to have at least a minute of generic la-laing and woah-ohing. After being really excited for Mylo Xyloto after "Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends" and the release of "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall", I feel like a parent saying: I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed
2. International Love - Pitbull ft. Chris Brown
At first, I thought this was a Chris Brown song, turns out it's a Pitbull song that Chris Brown has to carry the dead weight. In fact is there any Pitbull song where he carries his own weight, it seems to be a resounding "no" when you look at his latest album and see EVERY song has a featured artist, it has "Give Me Everything" which I also thought was just a track he featured on. Moving on swiftly, what does the corny sounding phrase "international love" even mean? I doubt it means anything seeing as Pitbull raps (without any flow, as you'd expect) about being with different girls from different places and Chris Brown is singing about loving the someone wherever they are in the world, working the male and female markets there at once don't you think? Given the rapping in Spanish that comes out of nowhere Pitbull should have to go and make some reggaeton as a form of penance until he feels contrite enough never to do his stupid smirk again.
1. Sexy And I Know It - LMFAO
LMFAO, yes you could see this coming, after narrowly missing out last time with their vacuous garbage "Party Rock Anthem", they've exceeded themselves with an even more preposterous cut. What I think makes me slightly more apoplectic is that such a bawdy song is still a success. It's clear that LMFAO don't take themselves too seriously, which wouldn't be a problem except everyone else seems to. This is yet another song which falls apart in striking fashion when danced to and sung by the sort of slappers I mentioned in part 1. They still sing lackadaisically, they still depend on being backed up by some catchy dance music underneath and people being stupid enough to dig their puerile lyrics. And then there's the "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle", which epitomises LMFAO in one word as the sophomoric, substance lacking chumps that they are. I sentence them to make some interesting soul music seeing as they're only descended from Berry Gordy, the FOUNDER of Motown Records. And to explain what in blue hell "Party Rock" actually means.
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